if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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