its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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