why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
