I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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