2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
