I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
