i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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