I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I want to make a zoo with you.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
