Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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