I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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