I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
