Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
