she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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