Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
