When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
