I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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