Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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