How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
