why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
