Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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