then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
