I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
