i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Randomize
