Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
