shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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