Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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