Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
