If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
