fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
