Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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