Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
