He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's rum buckets o'clock
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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