considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
