you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
