I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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