Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
