the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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