so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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