i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
