You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
