can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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