They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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