I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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