Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
the raccoons are back...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
