who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
