I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
