girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
