I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
