Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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