tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
drinking out of a sandbucket again
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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