Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
