He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
