I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
