they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
