I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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